The need to connect and bond with someone is a basic human emotion. Human connection is as essential as the very air we breathe. The older we get, the more difficult it is to abstain from connecting with people, especially people of the opposite sex (It’s biology). While the journey to finding that special person who completes an individual is a walk in the park for some fortunate people, it is a long and seemingly uphill task for others (I am not saying you are unfortunate o! I happen to fall in this category, so no shame).
Clocking a certain age in a place like Nigeria double especially, in African homes, at the very least, you are expected to have a serious partner if you are not married. Meanwhile, you don’t want to rush in or settle for just anyone because you know what you want. The pressure, the loneliness, the uncertainty starts to get to you in your low moments.
The worst-case scenario is if you just got out of a relationship that left your heart in pieces. You want to move on and forget it ever happened, and at the same time, you want to slow down because you are not ready. Then Valentine’s day comes, and those dating won’t give our eyes and ears rest (*rolls eyes).
I get you. I totally understand, and millions of singles (male and female) go through the same thing. Regardless of if you made a conscious decision to be single or circumstance forced singlehood on you, it doesn’t have to be all gloomy and lonely and fake smiles.
Here are ways you can enjoy singlehood while waiting for Mr or Mrs Right (or until you are ready to let someone take your breath away again).
- Immerse yourself in what you love doing the most. Doing what you enjoy is the fastest way to time jump. Find an activity that requires your attention and keeps you from noticing the passage of time. It may be reading, writing, baking, travelling, sports, or work. Take up new hobbies to keep you busy. Fill up your days so much that when you get home and crash on your bed, you will sleep off immediately because you are too exhausted to wallow.
- Know thyself. Not everybody likes to think about past relationships, and that’s okay. However, you may find that reflecting on your past relationship and making necessary adjustments can help you in your next one. Take the time out to know why it failed and what you should avoid in your next relationship. Knowing yourself will prepare you better for your next relationship because you now know who you are compatible with and what you want. While doing this, try not to let it sabotage your next relationship.
- Keep going on with your life. Your life dreams and goals should and must not be kept on hold because you are not dating. Live your life to the fullest, channel all that energy into your goals. Most times, while doing that you eventually let go and watch your fears about dating slip into the background. That’s when you find love. (PS: not in all cases).
- When you are ready, be open. Go out, meet people, go on dates, flirt, and if you see someone you like, don’t hold back from talking to him or her. Be ready and open for a relationship. There is no shame in changing your relationship status on social media to single. Tell people you are single, so all interested candidates can apply.
- Have friends you can talk to. To be honest, despite all the tips above, loneliness may still find a tiny gap to squeeze in. Those times you had a long day, and you just want to talk to somebody about it, then you scroll through your contacts and remember there’s nobody you can discuss that with. Good friends will get you through those days. Build a sister or gentlemen circle. Go out and have drinks together, promenade at a beach or movie theatre, and have a good time with friends.
Enjoy your singlehood because once you are back in the dating world, you may not be able to go back. Devote yourself to doing all you want to do now and have a great time as a single lady or man.